Spring clean – 5th Feb 2017

This morning got off to a slower than normal start. I woke up to my office smelling like a tobacco factory midst a serious chip pan fire. I looked across my desk to find an overfull ashtray and two empty packets of cigarettes. I hear the health conscious among your judging me. Fuck you. Unfortunately, I’m addicted to tobacco and also for that matter diet coke and it took me nearly twenty minutes to make a roll up from the dog ends.

After perusing the internet in search of a natural organic solution to remove the nicotine stains from my PC screen and (windows, yes it was that bad) I set to work. The urine and white vinegar mixture take a little getting used to and being honest burns your hands a little but it soon passes. It does leave a lingering smell but to be fair the glass in my office is fucking gleaming. Unlike me remember to dispose of what’s left. I left the basin uncovered for several hours only to find that my dog Scampi’s eyes were bleeding. Curious little bastard. Anyway here is some helpful stuff.

Marketing Like a Guru despite a lower than average IQ and a dislike for social media! 

Anyone who knows me can confirm I have never been a fan of social media. I have only ever participated for personal gain and to prostitute myself and my wares. For years I have been perplexed as to why
people would invite me to play games and like pages without first considering who they were reaching out to. They surely know I’m cantankerous and have little time for human contact. The strange news is that I’m softening to social media though still hold complete disdain for the users.

Now, let’s be clear. These days if you have a product like mine poker finder GPS you need to get it in front of the potential market. I’m anti-social and in a social gathering perplexed, but realize that social media is an essential part of this process. Am I a hypocrite? Yes, I sold out easily.

As I discussed in my rant yesterday I commenced a social media cull. I systematically went through my various accounts deleting friends, pages I had liked for no reason and basically stripped everything back to basics. My Fan pages now only consist of the content I put there. This is better for a number of reasons. Most importantly that if someone wants to read and be informed about me or my product they don’t want to see irrelevant cannon fodder. It is arrogant to assume that because I like the ‘how to make a flesh jack from my little pony’ page that they too will share my love of recycling. This seems to be self-explanatory but look on your own Facebook pages and see just how much junk people have to search through to arrive are your content and that you hope is what they presumably they came for. Otherwise, basically, you are fucked.

I have done the same with twitter and implemented some free tools to help me identify robots, perverts, people who like Hilary Clinton and people who don’t follow me back. Through a little research, I was surprised to learn that there are 57 other twitter users who recommend the ‘how to make a flesh jack from my little pony’ Facebook page and share my love of poker.

Today I’m mastering Google+ and LinkedIn. It’s all new to me and fascinating. This all came about as I searched for marketing and SEO third party services and was so shocked by the prices being quoted that I chain smoked for 40 minutes. Is it easy? not really the flat really smelled for days. I’m learning more by trial and error than from reading though the stuff on the internet. The satisfaction comes from increasing your fans and knowing they are there with at least two shared interests. Start slowly. Housekeeping your social media accounts should be the done at the beginning of every working day.  I call it my morning Cull.

If anyone sends you a smiley face or a wave in the next 48 hours delete them from your contacts. Even if it is your mother. There is nothing more sickening than old people becoming all tech savvy sending fucking emojis.

Fuck em!

Lee Robert Ness

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